Friendship and Love

A friend from school and me sat on a couch, sipping coffee and reminiscing the old times… from the time we met at a coaching center, then two years of togetherness in school, entering the same university for graduation. We parted ways after this. She flew to London for her PG and I joined work. It’s been almost 3 years now that we finished college and headed our ways, but the best part is there has been no full stop in our relationship…just a few ellipsis and a few commas here and there. But there has been no decimal point.

The focus shifted to our friends who have been with us through our school days, our mischievous acts, our birthday parties and all that we guys did together- good and bad! But where are they today? Why are they not here enjoying this coffee table conversation with us? The answer was simple: they had other priorities- work/studies, house hold chores, families and most importantly their sweethearts- husbands/wives, boy friends/girl friends or just their current flames.

I sometimes wonder how suddenly someone steps into your life one fine day, from absolutely no where and becomes a prominence at an instant. You just don’t care about your parents, who’ve raised you from the cradle; your friends, who’ve been with your through your scrapped knee days, you simply fail to look beyond this one particular person. All your emotions, you daily schedules become dependant and starts getting controlled by him/her. And the best part is, you don’t even tend to mind it.

It is of course an amazing feeling to have a new entrant in your life, and all the attention showered at you, but you can’t get blinded by that glaze. You can’t leave your best friend alone at a party just to enjoy a dance or share a close moment with your partner. You can’t miss a slumber party with your girlfriends for a romantic date. You can’t stop talking to a particular person just because your beloved doesn’t like it. By doing all this you hurt too many people for a person who might not even be worth it. And apart from this, you tend to kill your own identity and your own discretion to take decisions for a life which is only meant to be yours and yours alone.

I am not against being into a relationship, but I just insist on striking a balance. Set your priorities straight. Take enough time to know who’s worth what and then act accordingly. As it is said:

"There is an important difference between love and friendship. While the former delights in extremes and opposites, the latter demands equality.

- Francoise D'Aubegne Maintenon

True it is, isn’t it? :)

Treasure your relations!!

A thought stuck my mind as I was sitting with myself today…how hollow are the relationships around me!! Ok, this might come across as something abrupt and weird thing to write about, but it was true. We make countless relationships while journeying through life…parents, relatives, friends, best friends, school mates, college mates, travel mates, neighbors, colleagues…phew! Man is indeed a ‘Social Butterfly’!

But I’ve come to realize that, out of this swarm of people, there are just a handful of people who actually hold on for life. Now the question is how do we know who are the “Ones”? Well, there are no free lunches in life. As heard in many of the Hindi movies; ‘It may take a second for the realization, but in some cases, it may even take a lifetime!” It may take a lot of intentional efforts to do that.

Mary Tyler rightly puts it: “Sometimes you have to get to know someone really well to realize you're really strangers”

The thought made me envisage that I’ve been running to fast in life, leaving too many of my relationships behind. It isn’t my fault actually; the rat-race sort of life is the call of the hour. I’ve got to run fast to keep at pace with the world, which means changing the priorities and letting work take its toll on me. Damn, who asked me to take up further studies along with work!
But I’m glad that it isn’t too late that I’ve realized it. Actually it’s never too late. There’s still time…

One of my friends recently attended the Landmark Forum which is a 3 days workshop, talking about how to make your relationships better. Though he spent like a fortune on it, I never think that these kinda workshops are worth it. You don’t need an external force to tell you what you need to do in life and control your relations and how you think. It just comes from within, if it has to. I’m not trying to propagate this idea but this is completely my perception.

Anyways, after this forum, he suddenly starts making a conscious effort to “Complete” all his relationships, whether it was tying the loose strings or to break it completely. But he made sure he cleared all that was hazy in the picture. Hmmm…quite an inspiration it was! It actually takes a lot to do it.

The contemplation of all these thoughts made me take a step: to tell all my friends how much they mean to me and how I loved them! These are the people who had been with me through my thick and thin during my school and college years. I freaked out with them, cried with them, for them, shared the deepest dark secrets with them, and planned my future with them and did so much of all this. They were the ones from where my world started and ended too.

And suddenly one fine day I finish studies, take up a job and they take a back seat. I leave so many relations incomplete and walk off to be a part of this materialistic world. It isn't quite a great thing to do actually. Though the friendship always stays alive somewhere deep within, but it shouldn’t get deep enough to wither away with time. It always needs a reassurance once in a while to keep florid and blooming.

You should always dote on how lucky you are to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard!!! :)

Women: the weaker sex, as they call it!

Here’s another day in office. After checking my Outlook mails, I opened the Times of India site, as I always did. We, the slaves of technology, hardly get time to grab a newspaper and even skim through it. So we surrender ourselves to the internet, for a daily update on what’s happening around the world. Robberies, racism, DU updates, Politics…ahhh the usual!! I was about to hit the red cross on the top of the window, when something caught my attention at the corner of the screen- Sex-starved Afghans can deny food to wives, the headline said.

I couldn’t help, but open the article to have an insight into it. Don’t tell me, are they serious? Not only can the women be denied food on refusal for physical needs of men, but they can also loose their child’s custody on the pretext of the same. No, it isn’t some village created local norms we are talking about; it’s a law by Afghanistan’s new legislation, empowering men of Shia sect of Islam!!

It brings back some of the episodes from Jean Sasson’s ‘Desert Royal’, which throws light on the lives of Saudi women behind their royal veils and how these women try to conceal their desolation, drowning themselves into alcohol. Reading through such things, gives a chill down your spine. On one hand we read of women liberation and how the fair sex is competing with men in all walks of life, and here, you read news’ like this, fixating the extent of women suppression across the globe.

My curiosity gets a kick and I decide to read more about ‘Women and Islam’. I went aghast on what I read on my screen.

According to Saudi Arabia's Shariah law women's also clothing should meet the following conditions:

• Women must cover their entire body, but they are allowed to expose one or both eyes in necessity
• Women should wear abaya and naqab thick enough to conceal what is underneath, and the abaya should be loose fitting.
• Women should not wear bright colored clothes or clothes that are adorned so that they may attract men's attention.

The reasons women are forbidden to drive in Saudi are declared to be:

1. Driving a car involves uncovering the face which is considered obligatory for women to cover in Saudi.
2. Driving a car may lead women to go out of house more often.
3. Driving a car may lead women to have interaction with non-mahram males, i.e., they can be stopped by policemen at the scenes of traffic infractions.
4. Women driving cars may lead to overcrowding the streets and many young men may be deprived of the opportunity to drive.

Ridiculous!!!!!

Voting right, Employment, Legal Systems, every aspect encompasses the annihilation of a woman’s very existence. Her life is led by not herself, but by the religious police or Mutwas. According to a Taliban spokesman, "the face of a woman is a source of corruption" for men not related to them. These things are still happening around the world. If you try to research a little more, you will find that these women have actually accepted this life and do not bewail it. In fact they are proud to be born in this culture. This is obviously due to the fact that they haven’t seen a life beyond this.

It is indeed a time for Renaissance, rebirth of womanhood!!


* Inputs from Wikipedia.org

Independence for me is........

“Independence is the mark of an educated man to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it.” - Aristotle

Different people have different connotations for the term ‘Independence’ in their life. It might be the freedom to play video games for a 10 year old or to get to stay in a nuclear family for a daughter-in-law. Everyone has his/her own definition of this term and describe it in relation one’s own circumstances.

However, as Aristotle puts it, I think it’s the discretion that one gets to maintain, to stick to his own opinions and ideas, that marks “Independence”. In this ‘utilitarian’ society, the freedom to lend wings to your imagination, let it fly high…..high into the sky, is independence. To express oneself to the world, without any ‘ifs’ and ‘buts’ is independence. To act as per your heart’s commands, without fearing the society reactions is independence.

After 15^th August 1947, our country not only got the freedom from the Brits ruling over them but also got the freedom to THINK rationally. Indians had then got the independence to put their intentions into thoughts, thoughts into ideas and ideas into actions. It was then that those actions brought progress to the country and its countrymen. Since then we are on the road of success, progressing with each passing day, each passing moment.

Thinking about this, I am reminded of the Water Cycle diagram that we used to study in our Environmental class in school, wherein we were taught how things are inter-dependent on each other to function normally. Independence of the country resulted in the independence of individuals and thus liberation their thought process and ideas. The least that, we, as individuals, can do is respect what our national leaders did for us. Today’s India, with the rise of the ‘Delhi Metro era’, the flyovers, sky reaching buildings, growth of MNC’s should owe it all to them.

Talking on the personal front, the freedom of expression and the liberty to put forth my point of view defines independence at my workplace; the freedom to choose my way of living and take decisions of my life (my life partner, my choice of career, my likes and dislikes) defines independence at home. Basically, my independence is MY SPACE!!

I respect the people around me and believe that they always mean my good in whatsoever they tell me. However, following Aristotle, I maintain my circumspection. So this is what expounds INDEPENDENCE for me…

Never underestimate yourself!!

Here we sit in a packed classroom, with broken windows, literally shivering with cold (or was it because of this female sitting in front of us). She was a fair lady, with hair loosely tied in a plait, wearing a crisp cotton sari, with a neat cardigan; sat on a wooden chair, reading out excerpts from Bronte’s Jane Eyre. Winding up a chapter, she closed the book and stood up, addressing the class:


“So who is doing the presentation this week? Any volunteers?” she asked.


There was no one. There had to be no one indeed. Thanks to the topic, which was one from the Herculean lots- Comparison between Jane Eyre (Bronte`) and Hard Times (Dickens). The three musketeers, as we were called by this lady, held our hands together, tightly.


‘Oh God, not us pleaseee…not his time at least’, we prayed quietly to each of our favorite Gods.


“Why don’t you guys do it!!” and we realized she was looking at us when she said that. Bomb blast…destruction…end of life!!!!


She gave us that question mark kinda look. As if we had a choice…


Ok, it's time to pull up our socks. And we begin with our staying overs, late night studies (my special coffee made it possibleJ). Our favorite hang out place changed to the library and Uncle Tom really missed us at his Maggi corner. Sighhhh


At a blink of the eyelid, arrives the D-day. We stood in front of the class with our nervous faces, clearly giving a ‘God-save-us’ look. We could hear some chuckles from across the room and the eyes of class mates looked at us with pity. “Poor we!!!”


That was the most pathetic presentation of the entire session, I must say. Though the teacher just added on to what we wrote, but we knew it…we were really bad! But the good part was, it was over. Since that day, we stopped bunking her classes, became extra cautious in her class. We kept trying our best to come back to her good books, until one day when flew to US for her PhD. But we always felt guilty of under performing.



Some three years later, I get a message from that woman on a social networking site. I was so glad she remembered me, out off all the students she had tought, being in Delhi University for so many years. We exchanged our email ids and starting chatting often. One fine day, that presentation topic came up and I told her how bad we felt about such a substandard work.


She took me by a surprise telling me that how happy she was with us. She thought we had done a splendid job. In fact, out of that 50 people class, she had deliberately designated us for the job because she thought that only we could do justice to that topic!!!!

My first interview...

Finished college, rocked Muscat/ Dubai (missed M.A forms too due to this)…what next? Let’s take up a job to keep me busy for a year, until I get to fill my PG forms next, I thought. My darling friend Ark was generous enough to make me a CV, and here I was uploading it on Naukri.com!! I was sure that it would help; they don’t call it India’s No. 1 Job Site for nothing. And so it did…I get an interview call the very next morning.

“They are offering me a good package (for a fresher), Noida isn’t too far for commuting, the company sounds good too…OK, let’s go for it!”

I slipped into a pair of Numero jeans and a Hang Ten T-shirt, all set for an interview in one of the leading media companies in the country (Gosh…how could I do that…where else would I wear all the formal trousers and shirts in my wardrobe, if not for this interview!!!)

Anyways, I reached the company, with a copy of my Resume and all the certificates, carefully arranged in a neat file.

“Please fill in this form and wait for your turn.” said the lady at the reception, handing me over a piece of paper. Lo, another deed of a great woman comes forth…I don’t have a pen to fill the form!!!!

“Excuse me; can I borrow your pen?” I asked the female. She gave a deaf ear to my plea. I gathered the courage and repeated those words, trying to sound as sweet as possible.

“Cant you see that I’m working!!” the irritated woman shouted at me.

Gulp!! That was quite a humiliation in front of all the people present around me which included a peon too. Cursing her I turned back and accidentally bumped into the man who had called me for the interview. An angel he was…helped me with his own pen, talking to me kindly. God bless that man, and punish that woman. Grrrrrrr

In the next few minutes I was sitting in front of a Senior Manager of the company, followed by a meeting with the Branch Manager and the Business Head. Now I realize, I was as amateurish as I could get. I wonder what made them select me despite my casual attire and a "typical" college girl laid back and reckless attitude. But here I am, a part of this prestigious organization. It has been 2 years now, but I still feel abashed at the thought of my first interview ever. I sure would remember it for life...for all the embarrassing reasons!! ;)